How to Move On From Spaces You've Outgrown and Thrive
Co-Written by: Tifaan Ford and Jenelle Hoyt, LCPC
Are you feeling tied down? Are there things in your life that are keeping you from moving forward; people in your life holding you back from exploring your strengths, passions and becoming your best self? Are you ready to examine these things in order to ADVANCE TO YOUR NEXT LEVEL?! If you are ready to experience JOY and SUCCESS in your life, keep reading.
LET'S MOVE ON UP!
Much like when you passed all of your tests in middle school or junior high school and graduated to learn new lessons in high school, there are often lessons we learn in certain stages of our life, in order to move onto the next chapter of learning. If you excelled and mastered all of your tests and assignments in second grade, you wouldn't keep re-doing second grade. So why would you allow yourself to stay stuck somewhere you've mastered and outgrown? Why not move on to something else; something MORE, to further advance yourself?
You may often want to remain in a certain space in your life- whether it be a job you've mastered and find pretty easy to perform, a familiar relationship that you've adapted to and know how to function within, or even a particular physical space or environment, simply because it's comfortable...because it's familiar and you know what to expect but not because it's the best thing for YOU! Change can be frightening and occasionally, outright overwhelming. For this reason, it may initially, seem easier to stay where you are, in the familiar space, regardless of the displeasure that your environment or current situation may produce. As odd as it may sound, it is often comfortable to remain in the discomfort we know, rather than explore the unknown. Why? All because it is familiar and SAFE.
Starting right now, I want you to change your mindset from a: "What if I fail?" to a: "What if I Succeed?"; from a: "What if I fall?" to a: "What if I FLY?!" mentality.
YOU possess the ability to Move On From Spaces You've Outgrown AND THRIVE!!!
*STEP ONE:PARKING LOT DUMPING
Take a pen or pencil and draw a very large circle on a full sheet of paper. Now take 2 full uninterrupted minutes and write down ALL of the things on your mind right now, inside that circle, using a stopwatch or a timer. Write down ANY and EVERYTHING on your mind in this very moment. It doesn't need to be written in any specific order, nor in any specific way. Simply jot down WHATEVER is on your mind, inside your hand-drawn circle. These could be things you have to do or feel you need to get done, things you're worried about, people you're concerned about, fears or anxieties you may have, things you're excited about, etc. Dump ALL of those things in that circular "parking lot". After your 2 minutes are up, set your pen/pencil down. Now that you've successfully dumped all of your thoughts in the parking lot, you can move forward with a clear mind, free of distractions for the next 5 minutes. You will revisit this "parking lot" later.
*STEP TWO: TAKING OUT THE TRASH
Now, that you've dumped all of your scattered thoughts and worries that were filling up your headspace, into the parking lot, let us put these thoughts into two categories: The first category we can label as "What is in our control." These are things that you can actively touch, see, do, and/or look for resources for. This is called your locus of control. The other category we will label as "What is NOT in our control." These are things like other people thoughts, their actions, the number of hours in a day, or the amount of a certain bill. Take your time to analyze each thought that you placed in your parking lot and determine whether it or portion of it is in your control or not. Once you have categorized your thoughts, Take the "What is NOT in our control" portion of the list and throw it away. These are things that you need to allow the wonderful sanitation workers to take to the dump. If you cannot do anything about it, there is absolutely no point in letting it rent mansions in your mind. This trash is simply holding space in your brain and distracting your focus, but currently is not serving purpose to help you grow. Give yourself permission to let go of the things that you can not control.
Now that we have a list that we can actually work with (your locus of control), let us determine what is it that we are cherishing and holding onto like it is worth the price of pure gold but is actually only gold plated trash. Your "trash" may be in the form of certain people in your life (i.e. people that discount your dreams and goals or impede your development for better), things that deter you from focusing on your goals and aspirations and don't serve you well or elicit growth, or even specific habits and behaviors you have gotten accustomed to. Habits and behaviors can be changed. Ask yourself, is the habit or behavior positively serving me? Half the work is acknowledging that the changes need to be made. That in itself shows introspection, maturity and bravery. You can do almost anything with a mindset shift.
Deciding whether a person in your life is "trash" can be a lot more difficult than waking up an hour earlier or getting back to our skin or exercise routine. When it comes to people, you really have to be honest with yourself and recognize people for who they are, not who we WANT them to be. Ask yourself, If I accept the relationship or friendship as is, what would I gain? What would I lose? We are no longer in the business of changing any one any more. It does not pay as much as we think. If anything, it drains us of the emotional bank of love, acceptance, creativity, and joy that you had stored up for when you needed it the most. Really take the time to visualize your relationships like a scale. You are on one side and your friend or partner is on the other. We need to have balance in our lives in order to feel safe and secure. When people spend more time dumping on you (needing help with finances, always coming to you to help fix their problems, treating you disrespectfully), they are adding baggage to your side of the scale, making you heavy while they rise. Never allow this scenario to take place. That baggage does not disappear when they leave. You now have to figure out a way to unload that baggage in order to get back to a balanced state. Some people quickly find another relationship to replace the importance of that one and the cycle continues. Be courageous enough to move on from spaces that you notice are starting to make you heavy and hold you back.
Separate/distance yourself from people, environments and things that leave you feeling complacent or stuck, uneasy or less than you KNOW you should feel. Never diminish your desires or your dreams or allow anyone else to do so. When communicating in removing your "trash", always be honest with yourself and the people involved, be respectful and confident and be clear and concise. Attitudes & behaviors that don't support or encourage your betterment, whether they are those expressed by others, or those that may even be your own, must be eliminated. Set a goal to surround yourself with people who challenge you to grow and become your best self, and to focus on things that help you in building positive habits and behaviors. These are your building blocks to MOVING ON FROM SPACES YOU'VE OUTGROWN and INTO BECOMING YOUR BEST YOU!
*STEP THREE: OUT WITH THE OLD, IN WITH "ANEW"!!!
It's "Moving On" Day!! You are now ready to embark on a Fresh, New Start! Time to buy some new roller skates! The old ones you've outgrown, and there's nothing you can do with those worn-out, stressed, always tired, twisty-tied together shoelaces! You are ready to upgrade to the NEWER "YOU" model, with LED spinning wheels and get out there on the floor with a new confidence!
MOVING ON FROM SPACES THAT YOU'VE OUTGROWN, first starts with resetting your mindset and changing your perspective. By intentionally and effectively clearing your mind of all of the thoughts, cluttered up in your head, you can place your undivided attention and focus on the significant and important things -- things that are absolutely necessary for your growth and evolution. Once the "trash" is clear, there will be SO MUCH more room for more of what aligns with your purpose. The more that we are able to let in and be consistent with what aligns, whether it be habits, behaviors, thoughts or people, the more we THRIVE!
**A bonus strategy tip, this "parking lot dumping" exercise may be used frequently, to help you declutter your thoughts, relax your mind and to refocus on a task without mental distractions. One-by-one, explore each individual item that you wrote down in your locus of control list in Step 2, and think about how you can address each one, so that your "parking lot" is no longer crowded with disarray and jumbled thoughts. You may find it beneficial for you to address 1-2 items on your list each week, until you've confidently mastered your "parking lot".
KEEP READING
How to recognize your strengths and thrive
Comments